Her Light

Her Light: by A. Sinclaire

      With fluttering eyes I arose from the autumn leaves. Shaking gently from the slow icy breeze, I struggled to steady my stance. It was night out, with no sign of horizon. Beyond the nearby willows lay more wooded ground. I, with nothing more than sheer silk flowing about my frame, began my journey through the mist. The ground beneath my feet was both cool and warm. As I carried myself along I pondered why I had awoken in such a place. Where had I been, what was my purpose here, and for what was I searching? I was in an environment I did not recognize, yet I felt a sense of comfort about my surroundings.

      It seemed that lifetimes went by with no sign of reason. And I was fatigued and filthy from my quest. Curling up on the creek bank, I watched my auburn hair float about the water's surface. After a few moments, I completely embarked the water, leaving my covering where I had been resting. A trickle of light happened upon my chest as I walked about the creek bed. With awe, and remaining in the water, I followed as the light danced about my skin.

      After some time, I found myself climbing out of the creek, onto lush ground which was covered in wild flowers, emitting a thick sent of lavender. As beautiful as it was, my only concern was the light. With my body beaded with water, and my hair still heavy with the same, I made my way down a faint dirt path, shivering in the cold night air. Moments later, I found myself standing at a small ancient structure covered in foliage. The light I had been so intrigued to find, had vanished beyond the structure's outer walls. I pressed my hands to the stone, and then my body. Still shivering from the cold, I began caressing the surface to possibly find my way into this massive rock before me. What I found covered in nature's growth was surely the way in. For a few moments I struggled to engage the round ornate object. With no success I came down to meet it at eye level. I realized that this was a keyhole of sorts. Symbols etched into the surface read as easily as any other written text. With an understanding I did not quite realize, I put my lips to the lock, and kissed the stone, exhaling as I disengaged. It was required to be as gentle as the heart who had created it, and only she may gain access to what was held inside. Surprisingly, the structure opened, and I could see a light. That very same entity I had followed to this point. I entered the dimly lit room and found myself peering into vine work to catch a glimpse of what I sought.

      Pulling back the vines, I came upon the light that led me. It was a twinkling orb. As I wrapped my trembling hands around either side of it, I felt warmth. I experienced goodness. The life within me flooded with memories and purpose. And I knelt on both knees, stretching my arms forth, with this entity, this orb, this light. The light of my own soul. It was as if I had offered this unto myself. Behind me day had begun, and horizon broke through the forest. I arose from the warm stone ground and turned to face the day. For I knew my reason. I knew my purpose. I had saved myself from the darkness I became. With this new sense of self, I stepped out into the world to meet the Earth once more.

~ A. Sinclaire

9 September, 2014

Because of you, I will Never have a summer

In the face of all that we have been
I am left as lonely as the passing of time
I will never have a life without a winter
I will never warm myself within the echoes of your heartbeat

Remember when I held up your head
Further disowning my life and my agenda
I made promises and never thought that I would be devoured
In the face of all that we have been

If I bleed, will you fade away?
If I scream, will you silence me?
If I decide that I will lie down with another
Will you hate me?
Will you trade me for the weather?

In the face of all that we have been
I am left as lonely as the passing of time
I will never have a life without a winter
I will never warm myself within the echoes of your heartbeat

~ A. Sinclaire.
 2:37 p.m. 05/07/2014, Wednesday

An Excerpt from "Breaking Autumn"

On this cold and vibrant day, what could be said of love? This farce of emotions. This liquid imbalance.
Have I not told you my story? Have I not bled out in vain? My essence strewn about this table?
Does it not ebb the very heart of love? As it drips down the walls like an embryo, begging for
distinction from the rest of the masses?

Yes, I say. Yes. And precisely what could be said? What indeed?

I came to her, asunder. In time, reduced to ashes. For what is a submissive if not a shadow of her Mistress?
Through the end I held my silence. Through it all I kept my tongue.

What violence betroth me! This daughter of the Sun.

~ A. Sinclaire.
9:53 p.m. 04/25/2014

This Body and Breath

This blood is my own
My body and breath

This Light that I gave you
Returned as I wept

Like feathers, you loved me
And as feathers, you left

This body is my own
This blood in my breath

~ A. Sinclaire
8:45 p.m. 04/07/2014, Monday

Tears of an Empire

From dusk we evolve to dawn. From infants to elder. What we experience gains us the Light of our souls.
What we regret; our darkness. Expose a heart to age, to temper its handler. With what madness is the
mind, has all but generations. I bid adieu this kingdom. I bid anon, this world. Goodnight for now and
evermore. My spirit; haunt this shore.

~ A. Sinclaire
8:55 p.m. 04/22/2014

Stripped as a Child

Please ingest me
I have waited so long to be taken
And I wilt forever
I will not bare anything more

Behind my solace
This madness becomes whom I have been
This is my heaven as foretold

Don't save me form this
I am a whore and none other
You will never hold me to your life

Please your madness
Lose control
Let them take me
Leave me cold

I cannot blame you, for this crime
This is inside me
Mine, all mine

Please ingest me, one last time
I am fading
Mine, all mine

~ A. Sinclaire
8:59 a.m. 03/12/2014, Wednesday

Sad Alice

A gentle breeze to heal this heart
And salt to heal these wounds
What writhes within, from a love forlorn
A daughter of the Sun

As shadows call, betrayed by lust
Forgiveness far from true

With autumn leaves decayed by frost
Now swallowed by the spring

These seasons spawn the colors of
What wills her heart from trust

The shore for her, a vivid dream
Of all that's never been

Forlorn by lust and lack of love
She'll never know true touch

Her eyes from emerald, forest-green
Her joyous laugh to dust

What doth remain now pales her face
With no one to embrace

A gentle breeze to heal her heart
And salt to heal her wounds

~ A. Sinclaire.
7:59 p.m. 04/12/2014, Saturday

For you my Love, for you

I cannot forgive this
Your pain in my skin

Drip calmly my passion
My hair in your hands
Replenish my darkness
Tear softly my skin

I bleed for my only
My water; my wind

If ever they find me
My body so thin

Hair brittle as brimstone
As I'm giving in

My body is straining
Arched sharp in this bed

To please you, to love you
As madness sets in

I never will leave you
My Mistress, my Friend
To please you, to love you
My Mistress, my Friend

~ A. Sinclaire.
9:07 a.m. 03/12/2014, Wednesday

Always

If I am dreaming of her, please don't ever wake me.
1,106 cracks of sunlight into my life.
And now I lie alone.

I am darkness and I am light.
I am hatred and I am love.
My morals should not be questioned.
As I was taught by elders.

If I am sleeping, leave me here.
And please don't ever wake me.

~ A. Sinclaire.
04.03.2014 @ 2:37 p.m.

So Little Remains

Autumn Amelia-Elizabeth-Raine Sinclaire
Step into Darkness
April 28th, 2014

                                                               So Little Remains

     If I could trade these emotions for apathy, I would. Love is an angelic toxin. A farce for lustful intentions. At the end of it all, I am left with the ever popular phrase "I am sorry." Why then, have my sentiments remained intact? Why do I not lean toward hate? Forgiveness does not exist in my heart, whatever mess may be left of it. But to move on in mind is also not a thing that I can do. I made a promise set in blood, and I have been reduced to madness. No longer knowing who I am. No longer believing in love. What more could I offer a world I hold in contempt? With my life asunder, I digress. I will not be with you much longer. You will all forget this plight. You will all write this off as a cry for attention. And I will fade before the task has been completed. Then remember me, all of you. I once stood for something. And after all this time; Always. A sort of unbreakable vow. Until the end, I will appear as strong as possible. When I am accomplished to a degree I set for myself, sleep will come.
     And none of you may follow me.

  For Her,
     Autumn Amelia-Elizabeth-Raine Sinclaire
6:11 p.m. 04/28/2014, Monday

The Sounding of Hallow

Remember this relenting
As the sun soaks my back
Remember how it feels
How delicate it wills

How sweet the smell of sunlight
How sweet the feel of rain
Such plight before resurgence
So hallow in my skin

This dawn has come in vain
My only touch of truth
What ebbs away my heart
Was always set in vain

  -     Autumn Amelia-Elizabeth-Raine Sinclaire   -
  -     11:46 a.m. 04-18-2014, Friday
  -     For "Step into Darkness"

Alas (My Love)

Through porcelain tears I wait for you,
With blood and rust, I sleep forever

~2011 Autumn Amelia-Elizabeth-Raine Sinclaire and Ex_Cadaver Publishing~

Amethyst and Stone

Horizons of light
Draw nigh to my heart
An emotion
I will never escape
 
When my love, my dreams, my life
Come to fruition
I will not be the one
Who washes away


With one love, one dream, one life
Become the truth as dust aches within our bones

I will expend my soul to bleed for darkness
You may never know the purpose I’ve sewn

In silence I dwell
Away from the ones in pure endless love

With this love, this dream, this life I lead
Peer into the dark as I carry on

Realize this endless hope
I’m dangling here with every ounce of trust
that I’m eternal

Bare not that I will beg for triumph
My hands are cleaned by all infractions

I will not be the one
Who washes away

~2012 Autumn Amelia-Elizabeth-Raine Sinclaire and Ex_Cadaver Publishing~

Aurora (a work in progress)

Pages bound in secrecy 
An ocean of light
Redemption spent in lunacy

In desolate of night
 
Draw nigh dear-heart, and let it be
As manifest within these dreams
Relinquish all but beating heart
Let breathe the all and mighty sea

To live abroad, renowned in peace
-- -- --
A place for I and Thee

~2012 Autumn Amelia-Elizabeth-Raine Sinclaire and Ex_Cadaver Publishing~

Embarking the Sea

Farewell to the Sea of Endless Age
Farewell to all I have known 

And ever-true my life has been, 
A crystal river sewn


~2012 Autumn Amelia-Elizabeth/-Raine Sinclaire and Ex_Cadaver Publishing~

Evolve

If you tell me it’s a dream,

I’ll fade away,

If You tell me it’s a game we play,
I’ll refuse, and kill the King

~2010 Autumn Amelia-Elizabeth-Raine Sinclaire and Ex_Cadaver Publishing~

To Slip Away

These calming rains, Besought by fire,
To tame desire’s heart of hearts;


By crest of Light,
Shone deep through Night;
In splendor we shall bare what wills;

To slip away by mist of dreams,
Among the shores of Kings and Queens;

By dawn we’ve sailed a world away,
Such heart-felt fire,
Calmed by rain

~2012 Autumn Amelia-Elizabeth-Raine Sinclaire and Ex_Cadaver Publishing~

The Night I Loosely Close my Eyes

If I am to bleed

Please bend to your knees for me

Allow me to see

The passion I am letting leave

Don’t forfeit your wings

Don’t snuff out your light for me

This world is too dark

And all I ever do is bleed

I love you more than

A sunset paints its life for me

And yet it will bleed

It is a love intense and dangerous

The stars have decayed

In darkness I have wept for them

To feel this disease

To finalize quite what it means

Come down to your knees

And whisper to my love for you

This world that I leave

Will never see me as you do

If I find my peace

Please take me from the depths of this

In love with you

Where life will dwell

In love with you

The only place that’s real to me

In love with you (In love with me)

In love with you (In love with me)

In love with you (In love with you, In love with you, In love with you)

With you

~2013 Autumn Amelia-Elizabeth-Raine Sinclaire and Ex_Cadaver Publishing~

The Sun behind Her Eyes

I have burned out my soul
I have stripped off my skin
I have bathed in this glass
And I have lapsed

I tear at these veins
To claw at the rage
This dust I reclaim

I have never had wings
This hate I reclaim
Burns deep in my core
Through the godless, adore

The blood on your face
Smells dark of my pain
Our eyes dried and aged
It pains me to say

I tear at my veins
To claw out your rage
This dust that you gave
I tear at these veins

This hate you won’t claim

Bleed violent my heart
Burn deeply my soul
The love I could taste
Once blew me away

You have changed
I have chased
You have changed
I can taste

Your hate

~2013 Autumn Amelia-Elizabeth-Raine Sinclaire and Ex_Cadaver Publishing~